1 Curfew Country

Luangprabhang, Laos

I have no objection to any proposal to reduce the number of royal families still clinging, leechlike, to their lofty grandeur throughout the world. If there is a cause I would be prepared to espouse, that would be one. I know! I know! Be it gods or kings or queens, something or someone has to fill that ‘higher plane vacuum’ humanity craves because of its own inability to accept that most of us are also-rans.

Laos got rid of its royal family. Violently. All that corruption and cronyism was finally gone forever. Or so the government that replaced them claimed. In its staunchly communist new order, the party took over.   

‘Corruption and cronyism is dead! Yay!’

Of course it remains alive and well and living in Laos and in Cambodia (where they kept their royals) and in Vietnam where they kicked them out years ago and exiled them to Paris! How awful it must be to be exiled in Paris.

At least in Thailand, royalty and the leadership divide the spoils, sadly, as in 2010, at the cost of the lives of many of their subjects. Do the Lao miss their kings and queens and so on? If they do, they don’t dare say.

Laos has other virtues as well. It is one of those Asian destinations that belligerently stands against America, a stance I admire.

US forces, ably assisted ‘all the way’ by Australia, (the country, not Australians, the people, nor Americans for that matter), rained more bombs on Laos and Cambodia during the Vietnam war than were dropped on Europe during World War II. That statistic is horrifying.

To this day, over eighty million unexploded ordinances sill lie in the soils of those two countries waiting for a child to wander off and pick up a pretty little yellow cluster bomb only to have it explode in its hands and kill or maim it for life. At least one person a day dies from that pestilence and for that we can thank the US and its misguided support for the corrupt regime of South Vietnam whose sole virtue was its opposition to the North’s Ho Chi Minh and his Communist leanings.

So why did Laos and Cambodia have to suffer? The Ho Chi Minh trail ran along their eastern borders with then North and South Vietnam, so of course to stop the supplies filtering down behind enemy lines you should—and they did—bomb the countryside into oblivion.

But were Laos and Cambodia part of the war? Since when has that stopped aggressors, be they North Vietnamese or American? To this day people in Laos and Cambodia only travel along marked paths. You are advised never to walk off the beaten track. The unexploded ordinances including mines are being cleared by NGOs at the rate of a few square meters a year.

I cannot understand why a country (or countries) can have a free hand in dropping such horrendous quantities of weapons of war on a neutral people and at the end of the war simply do nothing about cleaning up the mess.

OK, so the US lost! When did you last hear an American leader apologize for what they did in Laos? It will never happen.

These days, if you go to Laos don’t look out for McDonalds or other US chains. Laos, Cambodia and to a lesser extent, Vietnam, ban US purveyors of unhealthy grease balls. Go to those countries and, if you can’t stand the freshest of greens and fruit cooked to perfection, you will have to subsist on fresh baguettes, a remnant of the equally atrocious French presence.

Enlightenment? France left its own war crimes imprint on the country, including the Catholic Church.

Laos, once they let you in, is a country of friendly people wishing they still had a history they could show, which makes it a little like China. A bit like China, actually! For a boring introduction to the excesses of communistic rejection of ‘the past’, go to the pathetic National Museum in Vientiane. Almost all of the dusty exhibit is made up of photos and dioramas of the people’s struggle against the oppression of the old regime.

Do you still need to know more? For some real flavor, pay your money and visit some of the remnant royal temples and buy some post cards there of what temples used to look like when you only had to pay for them when you worshipped.

That is one of the sad things about temples throughout Asia. Even in Japan, you pay a relative fortune to go and see them. I suppose the Protestant Christians must be jealous. If they had more sense, they would have built more attractive temples rather than the boxes they did build and maybe people might go an marvel at man’s true spirituality: his artistic genius.

The Catholics, at least in Europe, learned that, but art and creative genius did not translate to its monolithic Asian monstrosities.

Enter a temple in Asia, in any country and recognize, as television evangelists and happy clappers have already found out, that religion is a real money spinner, whether it be for the amazing beauty of its temples or for buying favors from those who purport to pass on god’s promises to the faithful.

The Lao have learned this lesson well. Communist it may well be. Religion may well once have been squashed, but there is money in temple tourism. Just ask the tourists who have to fork out exorbitant charges to go in and, as one temple sign put it, ‘worship’.

Most people fly into Laos through Vientiane. Possibly the only good thing about Vientiane is the fact that you can use it as a stepping-stone to Luangprabhang.

But hurry! Get there before that amazing town is totally destroyed. The government may have eschewed historical traditions and riches, but without them, you might as well stay away. Development proceeds at an unchecked pace and according to UNESCO, at an unsatisfactory level. Luangprabhang has UNESCO heritage listing, though to look at the way it is being over developed by the hungry authorities, that listing will not remain much longer.

It irks me to have to pay through the nose to enter each and every one of Luangprahbang’s (and it must be said, most of Asia’s) temples. It’s just that in Laos, temples are all that remains of ‘history’ that is worth seeing.

You could go and look at some hundreds of weird jars up in the highlands and they are fascinating.

But they are costly to get to and once again, be careful: do not step over the line! The Plain of Jars is alive with cluster bombs and unexploded ordinances with a variety and range that could only be brought to you by the good ole US of A. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! We owe you so much. Can we have our arms and our lives back, please?

But bombs should not worry you in Luangprabhang. It is a real delight to walk its quiet streets and vehicle free lanes and alleys. It is not that there is a wealth of things to see and do. It is just the ambience. Visit the royal palace and temple by all means and wonder at what the royal family must have been like to have lived in such luxury amidst such poverty, but also be thankful that through the adulation of its people, glimpses of a society long gone can still be appreciated.

And then go next door to the party headquarters and cry. But make sure you do it by 11 pm. The curfew kicks in then.